Hotel Dunkin’ Donuts

On a dark crowded strip mall, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of Coconut Kreme, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a pink and orange light
My gut grew hungry, and my mouth watered, I had to stop for a bite
There she stood at the counter, I heard the drive-thru bell
And I was thinking to myself, this could be Krispy Kreme or this could be Hell
Then she picked up a powdered, and she showed me the way
There were voices from the back room, I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Dunkin’ Donuts
Such a lovely place, such a lovely glaze
Plenty of room at the Hotel Dunkin’ Donuts
Any time of year, you can eat ‘em here

Her fav is the Chocolate Frosted, but she got the Chocolate Glazed
She’s got a lot of yummy yummy cakes, that she calls friends
How they eat in the breakroom, sweet summer sweat
Some eat to remember, some eat to forget
So I called up the baker, please bring me my Lime
He said, “We haven’t had that flavor here since 1989″
And still those crullers are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Dunkin’ Donuts
Such a lovely place, such a yummy glaze
They’re eating ‘em up at the Hotel Dunkin’ Donuts
What a nice surprise, bring your appetite

Donuts on the ceiling, large coffees on ice
And she said, “We are all just customers here of our own device”
And in the baker’s kitchen, they scrambled for the yeast
They kneed it with their steely fists, but they just can’t smash the yeast
Last thing I remember, I was running for the door
I had to find the way back to the place I parked my car
Relax said the cashier, we are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave

The 13 donut rules.

1. The donut can be thrown in any direction with one or both hands.

2. The donut can be batted in any direction with one or both hands, but never with the fist.

3. A coworker cannot run with the donut. The coworker must throw it from the spot on which they catch it.

4. The donut must be held in or between the hands. The arms or body must not be used for holding it.

5. No shouldering, holding, pushing, striking or tripping a coworker.

6. A foul is striking at the donut with the fist.

7. If a comworker eats three consecutive donuts it counts as lunch.

8. A foul shall be made when the donut is thrown or batted from the box into the hall and stays there.

9. When the donut goes out of bounds, it shall be thrown into the hall and eaten by the first coworker touching it.

10. The umpire shall be judge of the team and shall note the donuts and notify the referee when three consecutive donuts have been eaten.

11. The referee shall be the judge of the donut and decide when it is in play in bounds, to which cowrker it belongs, and shall keep the time.

12. The time shall be two 15-minute halves with a five minute rest between.

13. The coworker eating the most donuts in that time shall be declared the winner.

“This Is My Donut”
The Creed of a US Worker

This is my donut.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My donut is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My donut, without me, is useless.
Without my donut, I am useless.

I must eat my donut true.
I must eat more than my coworker who is trying to eat them.
I must eat them before they eat me.
I WILL…

My donut and myself know that what counts in this war
is not the sprinkles we eat, the glaze of our yeast, nor the cake we frost.
We know that it is the donuts that count.
WE WILL EAT…

My donut is human, even as I, because it is my life.
Thus, I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts,
its ingredients, its toppings and its hole.
I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage
as I will ever guard my legs, my arms,
my eyes and my heart against damage.
I will keep my donut clean and ready.
We will become part of each other.
WE WILL…

Before Dunkin’, I swear this creed.
My donut and myself are the defenders of my workplace.
We are the masters of our tummy.
WE ARE THE SAVIORS OF MY FRIDAY.

So be it, until Dunkin’ Donuts is America’s
and there is no Krispy Kreme, but peace!

While my head says Boston Kreme will run the table, my heart wants Lemon to make a deep run out of the 5/12 pairing. The box is wide open this year, and even tournament newcomers Maple and Sour Cream have legitimate shots.

Oh Donut boy, the sprinkles, the sprinkles are calling
From box to box, and down to the drive thru
The morning’s gone, and all the bear claws are missing
‘Tis you, ’tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when donut’s in the break room
Or when the fried dough’s heavy and white with frosting
‘Tis I’ll be here in morning or in evening
Oh Donut boy, oh Donut boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the donuts are frying
And I am hungry, as hungry I well may be
You’ll come and find the box which I am hiding
And kneel and say a “Glaze” there for me.

And I shall hear, tho’ soft you tread above me
And all my donuts will warm and sweeter be
If you’ll not fail to take me to the Dunkin’ Donuts
I’ll simply starve in peace until you come to me.

Oh Donut boy

Happy Saint Patty’s Day!

Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Caught in a donut
No escape from reality
Open your mouth
Bite down through the glaze and see
I’m just a hungry boy, I need no bran muffins
Because I’m easy fried, easy bake
A little yeast, little cake
Any way the cake crumbs
Donuts really matter to me, to me

Mama, I just bought a bunch
Put my money in his hand
Grabbed the boxes, then I jammed
Mama, work had just begun
But now I’ve gone and ate a third eclair
Mama ooo, ooo, ooo, gulp!
Didn’t mean to eat them all
I’ll bring back a box again this time tomorrow
Eat them all, eat them all
As if donuts really matter

Too late, my time has come
Send crullers down my throat
Stomach’s growling all the time
Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to eat
Gotta leave you all behind and fry some dough
Mama ooo, ooo, ooo, gulp!
I don’t want to starve
I sometimes wish I’d never ate one at all

I see a little tiny sprinkle of a man,
Boston Kreme, Boston Kreme will you do the strawberry
Jelly-filled and lemon
Very very filling to me
Double Chocolate, Double Chocolate
Double Chocolate Double Chocolate
Double Chocolate figaro Magnifico
I’m just a Krispy Kreme and nobody loves me
He’s just a Krispy Kreme from a poor donut shop
Spare him his life from this over-sugared blob
Easy come easy go, will you let me eat
Cinnamon! No – we will not let you eat
Let him eat
Cinnamon! We will not let you eat
Let him eat
Cinnamon! We will not let you eat
Let me eat
Will not let you eat
Let me eat
Will not let you eat
Let me eat
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Mama mia, mama mia
Mama mia let me eat
Dunkin Donuts has a donut put aside for me, for me, for me

So you think you can mug me and take my donuts
So you think you can find me and eat my bear claws
Oh baby, Can’t do this to me baby
Just gotta get out
just gotta get right outta here

Donuts really matter
Anyone can see,
Donuts really matter
Donuts really matter, to me

Any way the cake crumbs…

• “And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your donut can do for you; ask what you can do for your donut.”
• “Donut is the foundation of most governments.”
• “I will never relent in defending Donuts – whatever it takes.”
• “Few donuts have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.”
• “A people free to choose will always choose donuts.”
• “I am not a donut.”
• “I tried donuts once. I did not inhale.”
• “I want to make myself very clear, I DID NOT have relations with that donut, Ms. Sprinklewinsky”
• “Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new donut, conceived in Frosting, and dedicated to the proposition that all donuts are created Dunkin”.
• A man without a vote is man without donuts”

Big boxes keep on coming
Can’t even hardly see my chin
Singing songs about the Northland
I miss Dunkin’s once again
And I think its a sin, yes

Sweet home Dunkin’ Donuts
Where the sprinkles are so blu
Sweet Home Dunkin’ Donuts
Lord, I’m coming home to you

Have a great weekend!

To eat, or not to eat: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mouth to devour
The cake and frosting of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of sprinkles,
And by eating end them? To chew: to swallow;
Yes more; and by a dozen to say we end
The bellyful and the thousand natural calories
That glaze is heir to, ’tis a consumption
Devoutly to be eaten. To chew, to swallow;

Have a great weekend!

Well I was born in a donut
And I live in a donut
Prob’ly die in a donut
Oh, those small communities

Well I was born in a donut
And I can breathe in a donut
Gonna die in this donut
And that’s prob’ly where they’ll bury me

Have a great weekend!